Wow... there's a pretentious title if ever there was one. But today, feeling down and rather dumb for well, lots of reasons, I decided to self-reflect. Over at my friend's place, drug a board into the middle of the field behind his place while everyone else was out.. had a few beers and just stared at the clouds.
I've been having troubles lately, which well, don't matter. Job, ambition, emotional, whatever. But laying there, it seemed far more distant, and watching a pair of birds sort of chase each other, it didn't matter. Fundamentally, whatever I do, I'll be dust in a hundred years or less. In about 150 or less, I won't even be a memory. I don't really believe in an afterlife, but this notion is still comforting.
Whatever problems I have now, getting the great job, completing my thesis, girl troubles, it won't matter. There will still be birds chasing one another over fields (probably, and sadly, ever-shrinking), and clouds and people having the exact same problems I'm having now. All I can do is try to seek out hapiness and live my life to the best that I can, and try not to let things hang me up. I still feel distant from the people around me... just working out of this fugue.
Listening to: The Killers - Smile Like You Mean It